waterboarding

I think my human may have waterboarded me today... I'm not certain what waterboarding is, but it was full of water and terror.

My human placed me in a shallow pool of warm water and began to smear it all over me, until I could even feel it on my skin under my fur.

I yelled and yelled in my deepest voice, but she didn't care. It was an excellent, booming basso profundo if you ask me. The other cats heard it and leered at me. Mackie sat on the toilet and watched, and Ziva kept sticking her head over the basin to harass me. What a harlot.

After minutes that seemed like days, my human hauled me out of the basin and wrapped me in soft towels. I reverted back to my higher pitched yowling.

I was wet, so wet. It took hours of licking and sunbathing to make things right again.

The neighbor across the street was very kind to me. He came and asked my human if I was alright, because my cries were so loud that he could hear them across the street. He also asked if I was Siamese. He is my hero.

bean shaped lady

Today I attempted the traditional "legless" cat position, in which all (three) legs are curled underneath my body. I normally do not attempt this maneuver because I lose my balance rising up out of it.

But today I discovered an ingenious way to get my feet back under me: I flop onto my side and gently unfurl my legs into the air, freeing them from their entrapment, like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis.

I'm on display

heat wave

This is what happens when I wilt in the heat.

hidden in my blanket-lair

Sometimes my human puts me on the alpha-chair. The alpha-chair is the soft black chair where the master of all creatures in the room sits. Sometimes Moony tries to claim the chair, and mastery of the room. Sometimes the honey dog nervously climbs up there. But I never do, unless my human places me there. Today while on the alpha-chair, a blanket fell on me. It was like I was shrouded from the world on my throne of mastery. And I had my treasures with me: a catnip cigar and a pouch of honeysuckle.

futuristic hat

Today my human gave me a futuristic hat called an "electrode." I think I wear it well.